It Still Hurts

I am listening to my favorite song and I have never felt so alive.

For once my lungs aren’t wrapping around me and I can breathe.

It’s never felt so good to just breathe.

You aren’t consuming every aspect of my life anymore despite the fact I see you everywhere and whenever I see you I am filled with feelings of rage, sadness, and then relief.

Because I don’t need you anymore.

I am okay.

I’m finally okay without you here even though it still hurts.

But I’m so happy and okay and fine and this time I’m not even faking it.

I love my new friends I love this new place I have found myself in and I love these new feelings I am endlessly discovering. I hope this never ends.

I hope this period of happiness isn’t just an illusion, that’s it’s tangible and it won’t disappear when I reach for it.

I’m finally becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be, even though it’s slow and I’ve only just started. I’m finally comfortable with just being, and breathing.

I’m taking life by it’s slimy little throat and I’m coming out on top.

And I hope you’re okay.

by:  Anna Feliciano